I learned

So, I spent a large portion of the day feeling sorry for myself.
I had a double scoop of baskin robbins.
Came home and climbed in bed.
And realized its time I count my blessings.
Cause regardless of the trials I am facing right now,
I am still being blessed.

I grabbed an opened envelope from my night stand and started on this list...
(keep in mind the envelope wasn't big enough)

In the midst of this trial, the heartbreak and pain that comes with divorce.
I asked myself what I have learned...

I learned what its like to love and be loved in return. I learned people change. I learned sometimes people want different things. I learned people make bad decisions, but those decisions don't define them. I've learned making bad choices doesn't make you a bad person. And sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of a very, very dark tunnel. I learned how to laugh uncontrollably and smile for no reason. I learned tears of joy, and tears of pain. I learned about loss and losing. I learned about gaining too. I learned about me, the type of person I am. I learned what my real hopes and dreams are. I learned I just want to be a mom. I learned what I need most in this life. I learned about timing. God's timing is the right timing. I learned patience. I learned I don't have much. I learned confidence. I learned defeat. I learned whats worth fighting for. I learned whats not worth fighting for. I learned about the 'big' things. I learned about the 'small' things. I learned about forgiveness. I learned that holding grudges, is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I learned about being an adult. I learned about hard things.  I learned about easy things. I learned about being strong. I learned about peer pressure, it never ends. I learned about standing my ground. I learned about mistakes, and how often I make them. I learned about being imperfect, and that it's okay. I learned about God. I learned that he only expects my best. I learned that everyone's bests are different. I learned about dancing it out. I learned about walking it off. I learned to hate the player not the game. I learned about true friends. I learned I don't have many.. I learned about emotions. I learned about fooling people, and being fooled in return. I learned a deeper sadness than I ever thought possible. And then I learned what comes next...happiness. I learned that no matter the trial, or the challenge, in the end, it will always end up okay. I know my okay might be near, or it might be far. But what matters most...is I KNOW that it's coming.

I never thought this is where I would be, a year and a half ago when I said yes, at the alter, with my best friend. I didn't think I would be signing divorce papers and walking away from what I thought was my future. Life has a funny way of teaching us hard lessons. I still don't know the reason, I don't have any answers to any of my questions. I have a little bit of faith, it carries me from one day to the next. I get by, and just remind myself....okay is coming. Somedayyyyyy.


xoxoxox.
I'm a Grieder again