Again.

Today was another hard day. I've been having a lot of those lately.

But today was different, it was the kind of hard you can't talk yourself out of.
The kind of hard that just stays hard.

I have days like that, ya know? Sometimes you just can't get yourself together. You can't make yourself look at the positive things. Mostly its because you're stubborn. Because you just want to have a day of missing someone. And loving someone, even when you shouldn't. Sometimes it's just easier to be mad at the world, than to try and get yourself together.

I think most of my anger stems from knowing what my life is suppose to be like. 
I am SUPPOSE to be 21, married, starting my first year of the Nursing Program. 
Mostly, I am suppose to be a wife. I was ready to be a wife. I am ready to be a wife.

I'm learning now, sometimes God's plans are just better for us. I don't have a clue why I had to be married and divorced. I don't know what lesson I am learning. But at the end of the day, I know, for whatever reason, this is what I am suppose to be going through right now.

It has taught me so much.
I now know what is worth fighting for, and whats not.
I know I will be able to bring things to a marriage, others can't.
I know I won't ever give up on someone I love, every again.
But most importantly, I now know, that I must love myself, before I can love anyone else.
So that's what I am working on.